LeBron's Other Decision

The following is the interview that probably would have bumped ESPN's regularly scheduled programming had LeBron James actually been assigned to a jury on Thursday.

What's new? What's been going on with you this summer?

Man, this whole jury duty experience, looking forward to it.

What have you thought about this process? 

This process has been everything I've thought and more. Man, hearing the evidence and testimonies, it’s been great. I love seeing the American justice system in action.

What did you expect? Because we've seen 30 foot billboards. We've seen jurors grabbing very large chairs for you to sit in. President Obama, for crying out loud, seven times has commented that he'd like to see you announce the jury’s verdict. What did you expect from this process?

Well, certain things like that is one thing you can't control. But I expected to be able to go through this process and be able to sit down with the rest of the jury and hear how they feel about what we heard in court today.

How many people know your decision right now? 

Not many. It's a very, very small number. And I probably could count them on my fingers.

One hand or two hands? 

Let's say one. A person might think that’s a problem, since there are 12 people sitting on this jury, but we agreed that it’s fine for there to be only a handful who know my decision.

When did you decide? 

I think I decided this morning. I mean, the trial started this morning, and we heard all the evidence pretty quickly. But this morning I woke up, had a great conversation with my mom. 

So your mother made the decision for you?

This is the face that says,
"Of course I asked my mother to help me decide."

Once I had that conversation with her, I think I was set.

So does the man on trial, that you'll announce in a few minutes, does he know your decision? 

He just found out.

Are you still a nail biter? 

I have a little bit. Not of late.

You've had everybody else biting their nails. So I guess it's time for them to stop chewing. The answer to the question everybody wants to know: LeBron, what's your decision? 

This fall, this fall that felon is going to take his talents to the Ohio State Penitentiary.

How many years do you estimate the judge will sentence him for?

Not one… not two… not three… not four, not five, not six. Not seven!

Thanks to Henry Abbott of ESPN.com for the transcript of LeBron's televised special, which which was a fine model.